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Soft, full or just a good chat
The language can be confusing at first, so here is a quick guide. A soft swap means kissing, touching and fun, but each partner stays with their own for the main event. A full swap means the couples exchange partners entirely. Some pairs prefer to be in the same room, others like separate space, and many are happy with a lovely dinner and no more than that.
The golden rule is that every one of the four people has an equal say. If one of you is not into the idea, the answer is no, and the pair who accept that gracefully are the ones worth meeting.
The double date test
Before anything intimate, a double date is the gentle way in. It lets you see whether the chemistry works between all four of you, and whether you laugh at the same things. Plenty of friendships begin there, with or without anything further.
Pay attention to how the other couple talk to each other. Warmth and teasing are good signs. Interrupting, scoring points or ignoring a partner are not. You are looking for a pair as comfortable together as you are.
Agreeing the ground rules
Chat before you meet and set your boundaries together. A few worth deciding:
- What is allowed, and what is firmly off limits
- Whether you stay in sight of each other
- How you signal that you want a pause
- What stays private afterwards
Keep it honest and keep it kind. Remember that discretion goes both ways, so never share names, photos or stories.
If you enjoy the wider scene, our swingers category is full of couples who are comfortable with the lifestyle, and you can narrow it down to Irish swingers for a homegrown crowd. When you are ready to tell people who you are, post your own ad and describe the sort of couple you hope to meet. For something with a different dynamic, read about a couple looking for a man.
Frequently asked questions
What is the difference between soft and full swap? Soft swap stops short of full intercourse with the other partner, while a full swap includes it. Agree which suits you before meeting.
Should we meet for a drink first? A relaxed meeting in a neutral, public setting is the best way to test the chemistry without any pressure.
Can we say no on the night? Always. Any of the four can stop or change plans at any moment, and the others should respond kindly.